Dieting ain't much of a way to make a life, girl!

  If you've watched enough Clint Eastwood movies, you might know the quote I have paraphrased and humorously twisted for the sake of this blog.  Whether you do or not, it is from The Outlaw Josey Wales, and, it says "Dying ain't much of a way to make a living, boy."

  Well, this blog is not about dying, precisely, but, it is about living. I'm not concerned with surviving type living, though, but, real, thriving life that one really wishes to be a part of. Yes, it is about food, weight loss, but, not in a stifling, "We must all be bimboesque automatons."  or a "Deny yourself all pleasures. You have no right to them, fatty fatkins." sort of  way.

  I am unhealthy, I would like to lose weight.Very little about most means and methods, that I have read or heard about, will help me, though; because, I am unhealthy. Being unhealthy is part of what caused the weight gain, not, as most doctors, counselors, well meaning impromptu advisers who crop up in public, etc. would have one think, the other way around. I am not unhealthy, because I am fat. I am fat, because I am unhealthy. Therefore, it makes no sense to address the issue of being overweight, as if it is the great sin, the cause of all my woes in the world, when I know, for a fact, it is a symptom of so much else that has been wrong or which is still wrong.

 Aside from that truth, there are many factors which make most approaches unworkable for me, some of which are directly related to my state of ill health, and, some of which are more related to symptoms of that state.

I am extremely poor. I have been extremely poor my entire life. Therefore, I cannot afford the supplements I know I need, which would help my particular kind of ill health to improve. I cannot afford to pay my full rent and utilities, even. If I cannot afford those, I can also not afford a gym membership, special spa treatments (even done at home), special foods, to eat organic, or to pay someone to follow their plan.

I have a very limited food budget and  I have to beg or go into debt to afford toilet paper, shampoo or toothpaste. So, anything I can do to help myself to lose weight has to be able to be done with what I already have, what can be gotten for free, what strangers are kind enough to give me, or ,what I can buy with food stamps.

My back is crooked and in constant pain, my left knee swells up and is in excessive pain from ordinary walking, such as around the house to attempt a little light cleaning. The tendons in my arms and legs, shoulders, etc. swell up or get very stiff when I move too much or too fast, when it is too hot or too cold, and, sometimes my feet, knees and/or entire body swells up so much I can't even wear my shoes or clothing, which is usually too big on me! 

One of my hips is jammed up too far, as I have one leg that is  a full 3/4" longer than the other one. This is something that doctors would never consider checking for when I complained about it as a child, teenager, young adult and middle-aged adult, just as they never paid attention to any other health problems that were not immediately going to kill me (and, it was a struggle to get them to pay attention even to those!), so, it is a long term problem that has gone without treatment. Now that I know the problem exists, I know why my ass feels crooked (because it is), why my back and neck are twisted and hurt all the time,  and why my left leg is so much weaker than my right leg.  

I also know why it is that I, who used to love walking and swimming and engaged in them regularly, started having so much trouble doing either. Why it is I used to dance very well and, yet, ended up falling over, tripping over my own feet, and being hobbled by pain when I tried to do it. Why I used to love to lift weights, but, can no longer do a squat and have such trouble positioning the left side of my body to do leg curls, as well as why I feel so uneven when I do calf raises.

Because, I am poor, I have very little choice in transportation. I have a sister who will probably take me to the grocery store once a week, especially if I share some of the food with her or buy her something to make lunches with. She is poor, as well, but, not as poor as I am.

Living in Arizona, being over a mile away from the grocery store, being fair skinned, having trouble walking, I cannot walk to the grocery store in the summer. Maybe in the winter I can. However, walking to the grocery store exacerbates  the discrepancy in the strength of my legs, as well as the pain in my neck, back, shoulders, the swelling of my feet, etc.

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I have not been diagnosed with allergies, but ,I know that dust, mold, and any milk products make me ill, in various ways, that indicate allergies. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and a condition, though they did not fully diagnose me to the point of deciding which condition it was, wherein the cortisol levels in my body have caused damage and continue to be excessively high and damage causing, to my nerves, to my weight, to my ability to sleep.

Oh, and did I mention my low-level thyroid problem, which is high enough to cause severe weight gain when I am under stress, especially, but, so low that doctors won't treat it? Well, not doctors welfare recipients can afford, anyway. I have found it less stressful and better for my personal health to avoid doctors than to seek their aide, though, I do encourage people who are able to get to their office, to keep trying to find help from a caring professional. The key word there being "caring". Professional is not enough!

So, there you have, minus whatever I forgot, my limiations: barely able to move, actual physical impediments to exercise and sleep, lack of money and resources, food and activity limitations due to ill health.  Real, important factors that need to be addressed, eliminated or circumvented in some fashion, if I am ever to have a measure of good health. 

Dieting, therefore, is not the answer. Dieting is a partial part of the equation that makes up the answer, but, it is not the full answer. Nor is it possible for it to be just any sort of dieting. Just eating less does not work for me, nor does following most of the diets in most magazines or books as they generally call for ingredients (cheese, soy, aspartame, milk products, margarine, raw broccoli) which are detrimental to my health and, in most cases, which will actively cause me to gain weight, no matte how little or what else I eat.

What is the alternative? Purposeful healthful eating, which is what "dieting" should mean to us, but, which it is not actually about, in most cases, anymore. Using food as medicine and fuel, and, oh yes, using it as enjoyment and entertainment, which is something most diet plans tell you not to do. 

It's silly to deny that food is a big part of our lives, that it is entertainment, that it can bring people closer together to share food together. It is far from being so unimportant that one should substitute other aspects of life for it and deny the desire for it.. In fact, it is so important that one should never treat it cheaply, never eat sub-standard fare in great quantities when one wants a tasty treat and would settle for a lesser quantity; never shovel it into one's mouth as if eating is a race; and, one should never, ever be ashamed of eating and enjoying the process of eating. If it makes you feel ashamed to eat, then, you are doing it wrong, perhaps; but, it is not wrong to do it. 

God made fruits, vegetables and meats to enjoy. He made them. He made them for you. Respect that. Revel in that knowledge.  Someone loves you so much that he went out of his way to make peaches, plums, raspberries, blueberries, figs, almonds, coconuts, cucumbers, egg plants, spinach, lettuce, carrots and so much else so that you could have a variety of tastes and textures, combine things to make even more varieties. He made some sweet, some sour, some bland, some strong flavoured. You can make sauces, creams, soups, rolls of meat crusted over with bread and filled with vegetables, steaks, ribs, cakes, cookies, pies, and so many wonderful things.

God did not, however, make supermarkets or mass produced food items, or every little process by which those food items are treated. That was man. It is unnatural. Yes, a little unnatural fast food can be tasty and may not even do you any harm, so, maybe you can have a little. A little unnatural spongy golden cake can be tasty and fun, and, maybe a little will do you no harm, so, maybe you can have a little. But, if you have that little bit of aspartame here, and that little bit of green dye # 5  here, and a little bit of hydrogenated oil here, and that little bit of MSG here, it may add up to a whole lot of crap going into your body, several times a week and that is bad, bad, bad for you.

Is it wrong for you to eat? No. Is it wrong for you to enjoy eating? No. Is it wrong for you to eat crappy, over processed foods. Yes, but, in moderation it is acceptable. In moderation, most things are acceptable and without moderation, nothing is acceptable except love and honesty. 

The upshot of all of this is that I will not be dieting. Even if I cal it dieting later, accept that I mean "the way I eat" or " a style of eating". I will not be denying myself. I will be giving myself to experience the pleasure and wonder of food. 

For what else God gave us, as relates to food, is taste buds, fingers, teeth, gums, and a brain. Food is wonderful. It's fun to chop this, slice that, spread some of that on that other thing, chew, swish, and swallow food. It is wonderful to bake a pie, then to share it with others. It is wonderful to halve an apple and share it with others. It is wonderful to buy yourself the ingredients to make Swiss Steak and then actually make it.

When you do these things, you feed your senses, you feed your soul, and, you show respect for the gifts you have been given. You will touch them, think about them, share them, taste them and enjoy them, not as some gluttonous conquest, nor as some secret shame, but, as a human who, as all sane humans do, enjoys food.

That is why dieting is not much of a way to make a life. Dieting does not improve your life. It helps you lose weight, maybe; but, it does not help you view food as anything other than a problem to be solved. Food is not a problem. Greed, gluttony, an urge to ridicule yourself and others, eating without thinking, and eating the wrong things are the problems. 

So, as I embark upon this journey toward better health, I shall be fighting off the negative patterns I have lived, the negative thoughts that bombard me, and, I shall attempt to learn to live as someone who enjoys their food and who is not afraid to enjoy a peach instead of a candy bar when sweets are required, or a bite of candy instead of the whole bar, or to taste the wonder of a green and tomato salad with no dressing or dressing equally made out of good vegetation; who is not afraid to chop, boil, slice, dip; and, especially, who is not afraid to investigate new tastes, recipes from other cultures, different ways to prepare the staple foods..

 

An adventure it shall truly be. Come along, if you are of a mind.