Yes

I did remember to take my L-Arginine and L-Orthinine again, tonight (thank you, Jehovah!).

Started taking supplements

L-Arginine 500 mg/ L-Orthinine 250 mg combined pills, two at night before bed. Just took them last night, and, Jehovah being willing, I will continue to take them, to good effect.

Hahahhaa

I just thought of how it could be done. I could get my sister to join me in the diet plan, so, you can see that, regardless of if supplements are employed or no, weight (fat) loss can occur.  Hmm .. maybe I can. If not her, maybe I will find someone else.

First of all, I have to come up with the actual plan. Yep!

Hahahhaa

I just thought of how it could be done. I could get my sister to join me in the diet plan, so, you can see that, regardless of if supplements are employed or no, weight (fat) loss can occur.  Hmm .. maybe I can. If not her, maybe I will find someone else.

Hello again

 Having reconsidered my life, I've decided two things, simultaneously. One is that I would like to begin a diet and exercise program that would enable me to lose fat and stress, get in shape, regain (or just gain) health, and, for it all to be based on something that can be done by anyone with adequate food stamps. That means it has to be CHEAP, as well as healthful.

The other thing I decided is that I don't want to waste all my supplements that I have, already; but, it would be cheating to take them, and, to say "Look, I did and you can do it, cheaply and effectively." So, that leaves me in a quandry.

Mayhap I should give the supplements away. Or, mayhap I should find out what the equivalent would be, in food, and, include that in the regimen? (sigh) I think I'll try for the latter. It really would be quite the waste of money! And, poor people should not waste money. Except, of course, for going to the Tuesday night cheap movies!

Here's some horrible photos of me, taken today, so you can see that I am, in fact, a real person, who is really fat (as in actually and awfully), and, whose hair is really thinning. Of course, you don't know what my hair used to be like. Suffice it to say, people used to think I was wearing a wig.

Moe fruit, more badness

I was feeling all headachy and horrible yesterday (still am), gassy too. Eventually, my sister came over and we went to the grocery store, where I got some apples and oranges, as well as a few other things. Unfortunately, some of the things were candy and Cheetos.

My sister and I cannot be allowed inside a grocery store together, when neither one of us is feeling well and both of us are feeling stressed out.. I did get the fruit, though!

Also got some multi-grain cheerios. Gave her a box of it, too, and, bought her some bananas. So, not all bad, for either of our lives.

I am interested in eating better, starting an exercise program, etc.; but, I am concentrating my time, for now, on sorting through the various things in my house and tossing them out, giving them away, or selling them. Obviously, not everything, but, many things. I've been tearing out the few pages, in each magazine, that I might really want to look into, and, tossing out the rest, for instance.

There's another blog about that whole experience, though. The point is, I am making an effort to remember to eat my veggies and fruit, rather than let them go to waste, but, I am not making any specific plans, until I can get the kitchen into some sort of order, so that the dishes are clean and one can find the proper tools to cook with.

Today I have learned something

I started out having carrots for breakfast this morning. Now, I am chewing on a radish and have a turkey sandwich, made of bread, lots of tomato, a few slices of turkey lunch meat, and ,some honey mustard, waiting for me to bite into it.

I am not ready for all fruits and vegetables days. Forgot to get fruit, except for the grapes my daughter wanted, for one thing. Also, I don't feel good at all, and, the way I feel bad is the sort that particularly makes me feel I need protein. I think I might be one of those people, anyway, who should eat protein in the mornings, most every morning. So, I was thinking, maybe I could make it fruit,veggies, eggs, chicken and/or fish days.

Right now, the main problem is that my house is a wreck The second problem is money. I've been working on cleaning my house and getting some things out of the house, altogether, that are just not something I actually use. So, I think I'm going to mainly concentrate on that for a week or two. Yes, it is  that bad.

In the meantime, I will make a concentrated effort to eat more vegetables, instead of buying them and letting them sit there, like some natural health dragon hoarding its treasures; and, I will make more of an effort to have days where I do not have sweets that are not something like fresh fruit, canned fruit, or raisins.

Yesterday ..

.. directly after posting here, for the first time, I was talking to my sister. She mentioned that her only real pleasure in her life is decent food, so it would suck to give it up.
  I said decent food doesn't have to be given up, only indecent food. She said "Okay, indecent food is the only pleasure in my life."
 This highlights a point I was trying to make in the first posting. One can have rich tasting, spicy, wonderful, enjoyable, natural and decent food, that is as good for you as it is tasty. It doesn't have to be bland, to be healthy. And, one can do something like, have a slice of really enjoyable pizza with a big salad made with a very tasty, healthy dressing so that the slightly less decent (due to fat and processed meats) food becomes part of the experience, instead of the whole focus of the meal. Though, really, if you ate a slice or two of pizza that included a lot of vegetables, and, you only did it every now and again, would it be so bad?
  It would for me, because of the cheese and, to a lesser extent, because of the yeast in the dough. So, I have to be very careful about mostly avoiding pizza. Yes, I know, I could eat it without cheese. I tried that. They do not fill up the pizza crust, and, what you get ends up looking, and tasting, like something someone threw out in favor of something with flavor.
 However, yesterday, under the bad influence of my children (who are not overweight), and due to being tired, having to be at home, etc, I ended up having an Arizona tea (too much sugar), and three candy bars. So, I am not judging anyone on the indecent food intake, thinking I am better than you. Believe it!
  I'm talking about learning to do something better. It had been my goal to go to the grocery store and get fruit and vegetables, instead; but, I was tired, distracted, and, it did not happen. I should have insisted on being left alone, so I could nap, but, I didn't.
 I will not cry shame on me and punish myself for it, though. I am acknowledging that I made mistakes, noticing them, considering them and setting it in my mind to do better today. Which, so far, I have.

Dieting ain't much of a way to make a life, girl!

  If you've watched enough Clint Eastwood movies, you might know the quote I have paraphrased and humorously twisted for the sake of this blog.  Whether you do or not, it is from The Outlaw Josey Wales, and, it says "Dying ain't much of a way to make a living, boy."

  Well, this blog is not about dying, precisely, but, it is about living. I'm not concerned with surviving type living, though, but, real, thriving life that one really wishes to be a part of. Yes, it is about food, weight loss, but, not in a stifling, "We must all be bimboesque automatons."  or a "Deny yourself all pleasures. You have no right to them, fatty fatkins." sort of  way.

  I am unhealthy, I would like to lose weight.Very little about most means and methods, that I have read or heard about, will help me, though; because, I am unhealthy. Being unhealthy is part of what caused the weight gain, not, as most doctors, counselors, well meaning impromptu advisers who crop up in public, etc. would have one think, the other way around. I am not unhealthy, because I am fat. I am fat, because I am unhealthy. Therefore, it makes no sense to address the issue of being overweight, as if it is the great sin, the cause of all my woes in the world, when I know, for a fact, it is a symptom of so much else that has been wrong or which is still wrong.

 Aside from that truth, there are many factors which make most approaches unworkable for me, some of which are directly related to my state of ill health, and, some of which are more related to symptoms of that state.

I am extremely poor. I have been extremely poor my entire life. Therefore, I cannot afford the supplements I know I need, which would help my particular kind of ill health to improve. I cannot afford to pay my full rent and utilities, even. If I cannot afford those, I can also not afford a gym membership, special spa treatments (even done at home), special foods, to eat organic, or to pay someone to follow their plan.

I have a very limited food budget and  I have to beg or go into debt to afford toilet paper, shampoo or toothpaste. So, anything I can do to help myself to lose weight has to be able to be done with what I already have, what can be gotten for free, what strangers are kind enough to give me, or ,what I can buy with food stamps.

My back is crooked and in constant pain, my left knee swells up and is in excessive pain from ordinary walking, such as around the house to attempt a little light cleaning. The tendons in my arms and legs, shoulders, etc. swell up or get very stiff when I move too much or too fast, when it is too hot or too cold, and, sometimes my feet, knees and/or entire body swells up so much I can't even wear my shoes or clothing, which is usually too big on me! 

One of my hips is jammed up too far, as I have one leg that is  a full 3/4" longer than the other one. This is something that doctors would never consider checking for when I complained about it as a child, teenager, young adult and middle-aged adult, just as they never paid attention to any other health problems that were not immediately going to kill me (and, it was a struggle to get them to pay attention even to those!), so, it is a long term problem that has gone without treatment. Now that I know the problem exists, I know why my ass feels crooked (because it is), why my back and neck are twisted and hurt all the time,  and why my left leg is so much weaker than my right leg.  

I also know why it is that I, who used to love walking and swimming and engaged in them regularly, started having so much trouble doing either. Why it is I used to dance very well and, yet, ended up falling over, tripping over my own feet, and being hobbled by pain when I tried to do it. Why I used to love to lift weights, but, can no longer do a squat and have such trouble positioning the left side of my body to do leg curls, as well as why I feel so uneven when I do calf raises.

Because, I am poor, I have very little choice in transportation. I have a sister who will probably take me to the grocery store once a week, especially if I share some of the food with her or buy her something to make lunches with. She is poor, as well, but, not as poor as I am.

Living in Arizona, being over a mile away from the grocery store, being fair skinned, having trouble walking, I cannot walk to the grocery store in the summer. Maybe in the winter I can. However, walking to the grocery store exacerbates  the discrepancy in the strength of my legs, as well as the pain in my neck, back, shoulders, the swelling of my feet, etc.

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I have not been diagnosed with allergies, but ,I know that dust, mold, and any milk products make me ill, in various ways, that indicate allergies. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and a condition, though they did not fully diagnose me to the point of deciding which condition it was, wherein the cortisol levels in my body have caused damage and continue to be excessively high and damage causing, to my nerves, to my weight, to my ability to sleep.

Oh, and did I mention my low-level thyroid problem, which is high enough to cause severe weight gain when I am under stress, especially, but, so low that doctors won't treat it? Well, not doctors welfare recipients can afford, anyway. I have found it less stressful and better for my personal health to avoid doctors than to seek their aide, though, I do encourage people who are able to get to their office, to keep trying to find help from a caring professional. The key word there being "caring". Professional is not enough!

So, there you have, minus whatever I forgot, my limiations: barely able to move, actual physical impediments to exercise and sleep, lack of money and resources, food and activity limitations due to ill health.  Real, important factors that need to be addressed, eliminated or circumvented in some fashion, if I am ever to have a measure of good health. 

Dieting, therefore, is not the answer. Dieting is a partial part of the equation that makes up the answer, but, it is not the full answer. Nor is it possible for it to be just any sort of dieting. Just eating less does not work for me, nor does following most of the diets in most magazines or books as they generally call for ingredients (cheese, soy, aspartame, milk products, margarine, raw broccoli) which are detrimental to my health and, in most cases, which will actively cause me to gain weight, no matte how little or what else I eat.

What is the alternative? Purposeful healthful eating, which is what "dieting" should mean to us, but, which it is not actually about, in most cases, anymore. Using food as medicine and fuel, and, oh yes, using it as enjoyment and entertainment, which is something most diet plans tell you not to do. 

It's silly to deny that food is a big part of our lives, that it is entertainment, that it can bring people closer together to share food together. It is far from being so unimportant that one should substitute other aspects of life for it and deny the desire for it.. In fact, it is so important that one should never treat it cheaply, never eat sub-standard fare in great quantities when one wants a tasty treat and would settle for a lesser quantity; never shovel it into one's mouth as if eating is a race; and, one should never, ever be ashamed of eating and enjoying the process of eating. If it makes you feel ashamed to eat, then, you are doing it wrong, perhaps; but, it is not wrong to do it. 

God made fruits, vegetables and meats to enjoy. He made them. He made them for you. Respect that. Revel in that knowledge.  Someone loves you so much that he went out of his way to make peaches, plums, raspberries, blueberries, figs, almonds, coconuts, cucumbers, egg plants, spinach, lettuce, carrots and so much else so that you could have a variety of tastes and textures, combine things to make even more varieties. He made some sweet, some sour, some bland, some strong flavoured. You can make sauces, creams, soups, rolls of meat crusted over with bread and filled with vegetables, steaks, ribs, cakes, cookies, pies, and so many wonderful things.

God did not, however, make supermarkets or mass produced food items, or every little process by which those food items are treated. That was man. It is unnatural. Yes, a little unnatural fast food can be tasty and may not even do you any harm, so, maybe you can have a little. A little unnatural spongy golden cake can be tasty and fun, and, maybe a little will do you no harm, so, maybe you can have a little. But, if you have that little bit of aspartame here, and that little bit of green dye # 5  here, and a little bit of hydrogenated oil here, and that little bit of MSG here, it may add up to a whole lot of crap going into your body, several times a week and that is bad, bad, bad for you.

Is it wrong for you to eat? No. Is it wrong for you to enjoy eating? No. Is it wrong for you to eat crappy, over processed foods. Yes, but, in moderation it is acceptable. In moderation, most things are acceptable and without moderation, nothing is acceptable except love and honesty. 

The upshot of all of this is that I will not be dieting. Even if I cal it dieting later, accept that I mean "the way I eat" or " a style of eating". I will not be denying myself. I will be giving myself to experience the pleasure and wonder of food. 

For what else God gave us, as relates to food, is taste buds, fingers, teeth, gums, and a brain. Food is wonderful. It's fun to chop this, slice that, spread some of that on that other thing, chew, swish, and swallow food. It is wonderful to bake a pie, then to share it with others. It is wonderful to halve an apple and share it with others. It is wonderful to buy yourself the ingredients to make Swiss Steak and then actually make it.

When you do these things, you feed your senses, you feed your soul, and, you show respect for the gifts you have been given. You will touch them, think about them, share them, taste them and enjoy them, not as some gluttonous conquest, nor as some secret shame, but, as a human who, as all sane humans do, enjoys food.

That is why dieting is not much of a way to make a life. Dieting does not improve your life. It helps you lose weight, maybe; but, it does not help you view food as anything other than a problem to be solved. Food is not a problem. Greed, gluttony, an urge to ridicule yourself and others, eating without thinking, and eating the wrong things are the problems. 

So, as I embark upon this journey toward better health, I shall be fighting off the negative patterns I have lived, the negative thoughts that bombard me, and, I shall attempt to learn to live as someone who enjoys their food and who is not afraid to enjoy a peach instead of a candy bar when sweets are required, or a bite of candy instead of the whole bar, or to taste the wonder of a green and tomato salad with no dressing or dressing equally made out of good vegetation; who is not afraid to chop, boil, slice, dip; and, especially, who is not afraid to investigate new tastes, recipes from other cultures, different ways to prepare the staple foods..

 

An adventure it shall truly be. Come along, if you are of a mind.